At the lunch on the esplanade I really got mixing. After the oysters and fish dish I worked the room. Out on the seafront with Emily Woof for a wonderful pose against a beach drop of golden sand. Then back inside to the table of Emily Watson who revealed all about her role in the forthcoming ,soon to be Oscar nominated, Gosford Park. "I play a saucy maid, you might even say French maid" laughed Miss Watson before crouching down beside me for a smiling snap.

Emily 1&2 certainly entered into my spirit but neither matched the enthusiasm of French star Cheeky Kayo who was bowled over to see me - literally. Before astonished eyes he rolled around on the carpet with me for his snap. That what I call a fun guy!

Sitting with family across the room was one of France's most famous Frenchmen anchorman Patrick Pioneer d'Avor. Sporting a colourful red pullover the No1 newscaster and toteing a cigar, the primetime king acccorded me a roundtable moment. Playfully he offered his quality Havana to me. "No thanks, Patrick, je suis non fumeur!"

I was on a roll in more ways than one. That evening I was ushered through the massed ranks of police, bouncers, paparazzi and fans to the private cocktail for Hugh Grant in town with Bridget Jones, so to speak. Much in demand Hugh had placed himself at the bar with director Sharon Macguire. Festooned with Union Flags Hugh gallantly posed with me. What a gent. After this bonanza of top names I could only dream of further heights and they were to be scaled. Top producer Norma Heyman was in town with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang starring Eastenders star made very gooMartine MacCutcheon. An invitation was soon forthcoming for an audience with Miss M her hotel, The Grand.

After a sumptuous brunch I was ushered into the bar with not only Martine but her blonde co star Paul Bettany, who had just starred with Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. Down they sat on a cosy banquette with me between them. What a sight in the snug, certainly a cut above Martine's old stamping ground the Queen Vic, the pub in the soap. Then off we walked to Festival HQ for the award ceremony. colette first filming in champagne

Though my film debut is named The Dog That Ate Paris the film could necessarily had to include the early days in Champagne among the bubbly vines. With fashion cameraman David Safadi we headed back to my homeland. For the record I was born in Sezanne, bought in Souzy aux Bois and consider Oyes my country seat. All these locations will feature.

Base camp was the Maison Champagnoise in Oyes. I careered around the courtyard now planted with silver birches. Of special significance in the Mutt story is the lusty conifer planted in the corner by the menage in front of the barn. As a youngster I was snapped next to it and it now dwarfs me. Also captured on camera were the back streets of Sezanne, in all their glory. A glory until now a well kept secret but lets hope international success for The Dog That Ate Paris will not have hoardes flocking rather in the way Notting Hill hit the map thanks to Hugh and Julia.

Will the Bar du Commerce in the town square become the book shop? Will my love story with Edie rival that of the bumbling bookseller and the stellar Hollywood name? Will locals forgive me?

Sapin du Noel

Christmas brings forth goodwill and the charitable urge. Top glam yule event in Paris is the Sapin du Noel organised by Paris Modes. All the top names created their own Christmas tree from Chanel to YSl to Jean Paul Knott to Jerome Dreyfus. Of course creators were there with their creations and party boy Mutt was on hand to gladhand the designers.

Adorable Ines de la Fresenage with child in tow cuddled up for a photo. Next I ambushed Jean Paul Gaultier at the door. What a hello it was kisses and nothing air about them it was tounges,no less!!! You could say we are now very close. As we wheeled round the various designs we bumped into Claude Montana, snap snap, and then for the full house of top names we tried to ensnare Karl Lagerfeld.

Imagine my worry when he swept past onto the TV set for the 'as live' auction. Drat my chance gone. Moments later the newly svelte Chanel couturier hoved into view and at the head of the staircase we stood and we posed. How we posed!

hab flat

Off to visit the country cousins was fab and then back tto my Austin Powersesque Paris Pad. As fans know I live in Marais but in cineworld I upscaled to a loft apartment in the trendy 20th arrondissement. For the silver screen it was my groovy abode but in real life it came courtesy of my chums at Habitat.

Newly decorated it had that uptown, airy, bachelor apartment feel. Rather appropriate, no? A favourite feature was the goods lift which was closely film to give the film that Diva feel. Very chic. There was even trick photography when my modest paw stretched up to press the 'call button'. At barely 400cm tall that was a tall order, but we managed. The big screen doesn't lie.

Another golden moment was the arrival of Parisian It Girl and the muse of Gilles Dufour, Olympia Le Tan. What a sport. Dressed to kill she whooshed around my mythic flat and cosied up on the settee. We quaffed(sp) champagne and how we laughed!!!!.

Yes you've guessed it was all very camp.

Another visiter came a callin' in the shape of top interiors man Peter Kent all the way over from London Town. In the glided and gave me some top tips on the remake of the appartment. For the film we will have the chance of showing he before and after. In the business they call it 'money on the screen'.

OK a little vulgar but at the same time money makes the world go round.

omar

Olympia is the It Queen of Paris but at trendy Chez Omar we chanced upon supermodel Jodie Kidd with her boyfriend Tarquin and mate Roberto. Spontaneously Miss Kidd signed up for my film. The cameras rolled and she fed me forkfuls from her plates. 'So sweet" she cooed. It was all the more flattering as she was gushing at the prospect of her Jack Russell bitch Inca starring alongside me. This was an historical chance encounter and of course mein host Omar could not resist and hoved into view for a shot with moi. This was a Hollywood minute as they say on CNN.

levis

Have you seen the eurowide Levis campaign 2002 which is set to some epic Handel. It is a real successor to such Levis classics as Nick Kamen in the Laundromat and Flat Eric cruising in his car. Always on the cutting edge I got to meet the lovely girl in the ad at the Cafe Beaubourg. She adored moi and I can tell you it was meeeeuwtual, baby.

rankin

Off we went to a vernissage to see the works of royal snapper, Rankin at a gallery just off the Champs Elysees. Bustled back stage to see the man we snuggled with his lady and had our photo taken. You could say we hit it off because I was invited to the after show dinner at the groovy Tanjia restaurant. In amidst the oriental nibbles and flowing drink we chatted and then the man himself came over to our table. It was then that he grabbed my camera and snapped myself and all my New Best Friends. Just think both Her Majesty and myself photographed by Rankin. The Honour.